Monday, July 8, 2013


Wow, so much has happened since my last post. This past month has been so trying and I can't wait for this storm to pass. Losing my job, caring for an ill child, and dealing with my own health issues is really tough.

For the most part, my Atheist husband and I are dealing with these issues diplomatically. That's not to say we have our moments of frustration. There are times when I'm feeling so weak and alone and I just want my husband to pray for me.  Other times, there are things God shows me that I can't always share with my husband. Things that comfort me, assure me we are being taken care of, and mine and my daughter's healing process is on course. All this despite what it looks like from the outside. Even though my body screams with exhaustion, my mind and spirit are alive with hope.

I know my God is with me and He is my rock, but I often wondered what my husband held to in his times of despair. So I finally asked him. He said he believed in himself and that  he would figure out the solutions to our problems. I explained we as humans are fallible and we will fail, what happens then?  He said he would try and find another solution.  I know my husband's talents and skills and I have no doubt he can and will find a solution to our immediate financial situation, but he can't fix our daughter, and he can't fix my health problems.

He also stated that he leans on me for refuge.  ("But I am human, and I fail too!") I love being my husband's wife and I know I may be a louse at most things, but I am a good wife. However being a good wife isn't a constant, because be assured I will falter at times. Even if failing is beyond my control. For example, what if sickness took my life, would my husband blame himself because he couldn't fix it?  Would he fall into despair because his refuge would be gone? Would he blame himself? To who and what would he turn for help then?

To not believe in the living God and to not take refuge in Him seems so dark to me. A loneliness that never ends. I couldn't live like that.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4:16-18


  1. Sorry for your troubles. I've had people close to me with problems in the past and, like your husband, I didn't pray, but I vaguely hoped. It's still kinda pointless, there is no one to hope to in my opinion, but it seems to be a natural thing to do.

    In the end I feel it's better to act in any way possible to help, and when no action will help, just to accept. My favorite prayer is the Serenity Prayer, though I only say it to myself.

  2. Thank you Grundy, you put a smile on my face and comforting happy tears in my eyes. Hope is good...that we can truly agree on. :)

  3. I'm an atheist, married for 28 years to a theist, and I wouldn't trade her for all of the atheists on earth. I'm happy you are here.

    I hope your health and finances improve, but realize that god won't help you.

    People, such as doctors, can help you. Your atheist husband can help you. Other people can help you. You can help you by having hope things will turn out for the best.

    Unfortunately, there is a reason god won't heal amputees. God is imaginary (Jesus's healing the Roman's ear, doesn't count, because there is no such proof it really happened, LOL).

  4. Thank you for your kind words of hope. Yes, my doctor is trying to help me as well as my husband, my pastor and his wife, and other church family members.

    I know and understand your telling me I need to realize God won't help me. I know you sincerely said this to help me, not hurt me and that is very sweet of you.

    I'm happy to hear you have a beautiful marriage of 28 years! Wow, that's almost unheard of these days. :)

    Something to think about....if first person eye witness' testimonies hold up in the courtrooms, why wouldn't the multitudes who witnessed Jesus heal the Roman's ear, or made the blind to see, or the lame to walk, even raise Lazarus from the dead count? Something to think about.



  5. I just found your website and reading it just to see from your perspective. I used to read the bible daily, pray about my circumstances, lost everything materialistic, finances, and even family that chose to help me really had their own agenda's and motivations. So The thing is I learned many times before this yes prayers are answered. Just maybe not in the way we'd like them too. I started meditating and learning Buddhist point of view of cause and effect. It worked for me because the situation I was in at the time. This is a philosophy mind you, not a religion. Jesus and Buddhist go together for me, but one thing I learned in all this, Jesus didn't come off the cross and save me from myself and choices. Your husband is right to a degree. Problems surface and their is a solution, but you are right in researching the truth and finding the solution to the problem. Atheists believe in science, but again science does play it's role because everything is energy and vibrates. Your words are vibrations, your actions are vibration, sound and light is vibration. Our society likes to ignore that everything is connected and tries to segregate psychology, science, religion, but the more research comes out science will prove the spiritual exists.