Wow, so much has happened since my last post. This past month has been so trying and I can't wait for this storm to pass. Losing my job, caring for an ill child, and dealing with my own health issues is really tough.
For the most part, my Atheist husband and I are dealing with these issues diplomatically. That's not to say we have our moments of frustration. There are times when I'm feeling so weak and alone and I just want my husband to pray for me. Other times, there are things God shows me that I can't always share with my husband. Things that comfort me, assure me we are being taken care of, and mine and my daughter's healing process is on course. All this despite what it looks like from the outside. Even though my body screams with exhaustion, my mind and spirit are alive with hope.
I know my God is with me and He is my rock, but I often wondered what my husband held to in his times of despair. So I finally asked him. He said he believed in himself and that he would figure out the solutions to our problems. I explained we as humans are fallible and we will fail, what happens then? He said he would try and find another solution. I know my husband's talents and skills and I have no doubt he can and will find a solution to our immediate financial situation, but he can't fix our daughter, and he can't fix my health problems.
He also stated that he leans on me for refuge. ("But I am human, and I fail too!") I love being my husband's wife and I know I may be a louse at most things, but I am a good wife. However being a good wife isn't a constant, because be assured I will falter at times. Even if failing is beyond my control. For example, what if sickness took my life, would my husband blame himself because he couldn't fix it? Would he fall into despair because his refuge would be gone? Would he blame himself? To who and what would he turn for help then?
To not believe in the living God and to not take refuge in Him seems so dark to me. A loneliness that never ends. I couldn't live like that.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
